A short vs. long engagement…which is best? While the average length of an engagement in the U.S. is a year to a year and a half, that doesn’t mean that 12 – 18 months is the right amount of time for YOU. Some couples are quite content with (and capable of) planning their dream wedding in just a few short weeks. Contrarily, other couples want to save up money for a while or are simply in no rush to take that walk down the aisle. Know what we think is the perfect amount of time to be engaged? However long you want! But if you’re still deciding whether you want a short or a long engagement, here are a few pros and cons of each!
Short Engagement
Pros
- “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” – said by a wise Harry Burns in one of THE best movies of all time. This is an obvious pro but one totally worth mentioning! Skip all of the wedding planning stress and you can get right to the fun part…being married!
- A shorter engagement will leave you less confused. There are literally a million options for every wedding decision out there. It can be really overwhelming! Only having a few months to plan a wedding will force you to make decisions and stick to them. You simply won’t have the time to be wishy washy.
- It can be less expensive. Generally speaking, couples who are ok with a shorter engagement tend to be low key. No fuss, no muss means not getting caught up in all of the (sometimes unnecessary) details…which means fewer unnecessary expenses…which means more money in your pocket at the end of the day.
Cons
- Your favorite vendors may already be booked. And with such short notice, you may have a hard time finding vendors period. We aren’t saying it’s impossible, but it may just take a little extra work.
- Less time to shop around may mean you end up spending more money in the long run. You simply won’t have the time to be able to hunt all over town for the best bargain.
- Shorter lead time may mean you need to skip the designer wedding dress. In most cases, a wedding dress can take 6 – 8 months to come in, plus you’ll need time for alterations. If you don’t have that kind of time, you may be forced to find something off the rack or shop at a sample store. The great news is that you can still find beautiful styles and often at lower prices!
Long Engagement
Pros
- If you’re paying for a portion or all of your big day, a longer engagement will give you more time to save up.
- If you are adamant on hiring certain vendors, a longer engagement will play to your favor. Plan ahead and book them as soon as you nail down a date. The nitty gritty details can be discussed when the wedding date is much closer.
- More time means more DIY projects you could tackle if hot gluing is your thing. You’ll have the availability to learn and perfect a craft, and even start over a few times if you have to – a luxury the couple on a time crunch simply doesn’t have.
Cons
- After a while, you’ll experience that “I just want to be married already!” feeling. Wedding planning can be fun…to a certain extent. After that, you’re kind of just over it and want the day to just be there! A longer engagement means you may have to deal with this feeling for more time than you’d like.
- Wedding trends change all the time. As time passes, the original vision of your big day may become a little muddy. You’ll be tempted by the latest, newest, next big thing in wedding details. This happens to every couple, but the more time between now and your wedding, the more you’ll have to fight the temptations off.
- Major life changes may throw a monkey wrench or two into your plans. A bridesmaid becomes pregnant, there is a death in your immediate family, or your fiance loses their job…all of these things could derail wedding plans. Life happens and there will always be something to contend with, but major events like this may mean delaying the wedding even longer.
As you can see, there are pluses and minuses to both. After you get engaged, have an open and honest discussion with your fiance about a realistic wedding date. If it’s right around the corner, good for you! If you decide to wait a few years, that’s cool too! Whatever floats your boat, regardless of what the national average says!
How long was your engagement? Do you find it was too short? Too long? Just the right amount of time? Share your thoughts in the Comments below and upload an engagement photo to social media and tag @burghbrides and use #burghbrides so we can see!
We were engaged for about 1 year and 1 month. I thought it was perfect! We started planning right away (I enjoy planning!) and we got to see our venue choices at the same time of year as the wedding which was great. We didn’t have a hard time finding vendors that were open but we go married in March so there wasn’t much competition and most vendors were happy to have inquiries for their off season. If you are planning a Fall wedding in Pittsburgh, you may need more time to secure the venue/vendors that you want 🙂
Great advice! Seeing the venue at the time of your wedding is a great idea too. We are engaged for about 20 months and it was a reallllllly long time. By month 18, I was over it haha.
There are pros and cons to both a short and a longer engagement and I think it entirely depends on the couple. One thing that should be said is that the wedding day is small by comparison to the grand scale of things e.g. the marriage and the items that you actually come away with after the day. Always keep that in mind.
For example for shorter engagements, some couples tend to skip a lot of the wedding planning details and opt for a simple ceremony to avoid the stress, however, remember the things that last after the wedding and invest in those elements. Florals, décor, food and entertainment are just for the day, whereas the photographs and your wedding rings live on afterwards. Focus on these
completely agree! i think it’s all about the couple’s tastes and what is most important to them. if the marriage, and not the wedding, is the main focus, then a shorter engagement and simpler wedding just might be the perfect thing for that couple!
We were engaged for almost two years by the time we got married. I had to finish school and get a job. Also my sister got married a year before me, so it was a nice gap for my family. Within the first year of engagement, we got all of the bigger vendors booked that we needed for the big day. A year out from a wedding, we nailed down the smaller details and were able to have a much more relaxed and laid back wedding planning process. I knew from the start that I wanted a Fall wedding, so it gave me more than enough time to gather all the essentials!
Good luck to all the upcoming brides, enjoy it, because no matter if it is a short or long engagement it goes by way too fast!
I love this so much! I had a similar experience too…my sister got married the year before we did. So we wanted to give my parents a little extra time so their wallets weren’t hit too hard 🙂 Plus, it allowed us to really take our time with planning and enjoy every single second of being engaged. But it still does go by very quickly!!!
We will have been engaged for 19 months when we wed in a few weeks. The first year almost no planning was done. We’d talk about our vision for the wedding and how to best represent us as a couple. However the serious planning – vendors, colors, venue, dates, etc started at the 1 year mark.
It was nice to get to enjoy the temporary phase known as our engagement. This is the transition period and for us it was special.
All of your points in your post are very valid. I couldn’t agree more that it’s doing what is right for the couple. We did what felt right for us and couldn’t be happier
We were engaged for 18 months, so a very similar experience as yours. I agree that it was nice to be able to take your time a little bit, but more importantly to just enjoy being engaged. It is just a special period that it was nice to really soak it all in. Congrats on your recent wedding!!
We will have been engaged two years by the time we get married. The only reason for this tineline is because my parents offered to pay for it and gave me the timeline. I’m so thankful for them being able to have them help with such a large chunk of the reading fees. However I did most of everything within the first 8 months and now I’m at a standstill with other details because we aren’t close ohhh yet to the date. I’m glad I’ve had time to save for the other events with the wedding. But I am at that point can we be married already. But we also go time to enjoy our engagement too and have a vision of the perfect wedding with our perfect vendors.
we were engaged for almost two years as well! it was really nice to be able to take our time planning, and to help spread out the costs!!
Will be 10 months from engagement to wedding day for me, and I keep wanting to add things with 5 weeks left, so I can only imagine how much I’d want to add our engagement were longer 😂🤣