Holy cow! This is the BEST question Ask Burgh Brides have EVER received! So many engaged couples struggle with this so hopefully this post is helpful to a lot of you out there!
Bride T writes…
My fiancé and I are ready to start planning our wedding. What is the proper way to ask our parents what they can contribute financially? One side may be able to contribute a lot more, so how can we work this out without anyone feeling hurt or offended? We don’t want to sound rude or like we are begging for money!
Eek! So the truth of the matter is…I never had to deal with this situation. My sister got married before I did so I had a precedent. But lucky for you, T, I enlisted some help from Soiree by Souleret. This wedding planner extraordinaire (and Burgh Brides Vendor Guide Member!) has been there, done that. Here is what she has to say…
Be prepared! Have a vision in mind, a number of guests you’d like to invite, and maybe even an idea of a venue.
Then, I encourage the couple to have dinner with both sets of parents separately so that no one feels put on the spot or forced to compete with the future in laws. Start the conversation off by expressing excitement for the upcoming wedding and marriage and giving a little bit of details about your wedding dreams. Then, ask your/his parents if they’d like to be involved (hint hint -$$$)! Chances are the first question they’ll have is, “What is this going to cost me?” If they don’t bring it up from there, the couple could ask directly with something like, “Are you willing to help out with wedding day expenses?”
Having an idea of your venue type is important because some parents will ask to see an overall budget or they’ll ask the couple what they feel would be an appropriate contribution. A downtown hotel with a food and beverage minimum of $25k is much different than a backyard affair. Your big hotel ballroom wedding might be far off from what your parents think their contribution might be. Some parents may also ask what the average Pittsburgh wedding costs, to better gauge their contribution. (P.S. The Knot released these numbers earlier this year, with the national average just above $32K.)
Any conversation about money is a tough one. Being open and upfront is my best advice!
Thanks Shayne! Does anyone have any other ideas? How did you have this conversation with your parents? Comment below and help a fellow Burgh Bride out!
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