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Wedding Traditions

Ask Burgh Brides: Is it ok to invite someone to the bridal shower but not the wedding?

by Burgh Brides July 12, 2016

This month’s Ask Burgh Brides question is one that gets asked more often than it should.  So, let’s settle this debate once and for all, shall we?

Ask Burgh Brides: Is it ok to invite someone to the bridal shower but not the wedding?

The answer?  No, negative, nein, non, not ok.  Etiquette says that you can’t invite someone to your bridal shower (and expect them to give a gift) but not invite them to the wedding.  It’s a major faux pas.  Inviting someone to one event but not the other sends the message that they were good enough to make the shower guest list, but not good enough to be at the main attraction.  It also sort of seems like you’re just fishing for a gift.  While that may not be true, it’s still the impression it gives.  It can lead to hurt feelings and damaged relationships.  Just don’t do it.

A shower invite list should include a bride’s nearest and dearest and it’s typically compiled after the wedding invitation list has been created.  Therefore, anyone invited to the shower should already be getting their ticket to the big show.  If that isn’t the case, don’t include them now.

There is one tiny exception I can think of…work showers.  Often, your co-workers want to celebrate with you and will coordinate an office bridal shower.  In this case, it’s absolutely ok to go along with their plans but not invite your colleagues to the wedding.  I think it’s safe to assume their expectations don’t include a wedding invitation.

What do you think?  Is it ok to invite someone to the bridal shower but not the wedding?  Comment below and help a fellow Burgh Bride out!

Planning a wedding and need some help?  You’ve come to the right place!  Submit your question and you could see it answered right here on the blog.

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2 thoughts on “Ask Burgh Brides: Is it ok to invite someone to the bridal shower but not the wedding?”

  1. BY says:
    July 12, 2016 at 3:29 pm

    The only time I ever heard of this etiquette rule being broken making sense (aside from work showers), was a bride’s mother & mother’s bff had a tradition of throwing each others’ children’s showers. However, for this bride, the mother’s bff was not invited to the wedding but still wanted to throw the bride a shower. In this case, it hurt the mother’s bff’s feelings more to have that shower-offer rejected, than to just let her plan a shower for a wedding she wasn’t invited to. ‘Depends on people’s love languages, I suppose.

    Reply
    1. Burgh Brides says:
      July 12, 2016 at 4:04 pm

      Makes sense, I suppose! Whatever makes them happy!

      Reply

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