Money and wedding budgets are an unavoidable and often uncomfortable part of wedding planning. Someone has to pay the invoices, hire the vendors, and make sure every financial detail is covered. With Mariah Grumet Humbert’s expertise in all things wedding planning, we went straight to the source for her advice on navigating who pays for what.

“This is an emotional and exciting time – don’t let poor communication turn minor issues into bigger problems,” Mariah explains, offering guidance on planning, communicating, and managing expenses – especially when family is involved.

As the author of The Essential Wedding Planner and What Do I Do? Every Wedding Etiquette Question Answered, Mariah’s work is redefining modern etiquette. “One of the reasons I wrote two wedding etiquette-related books is because of how much weddings have evolved,” she says. And even as traditions shift, “there is still etiquette for how to handle the budget and conversations around money.”

We love this Q&A with Mariah, our etiquette expert, and we know you will, too. Here’s your guide to breaking down wedding costs – and determining how to have those hard conversations about wedding planning and money.

What is the traditional breakdown of wedding costs?

If you look at the way the costs of weddings have been broken down historically, you would find that the bride’s family would typically pay for the majority of the wedding, both the ceremony and reception, as well as the bride’s attire. Traditionally, the groom’s family would cover the rehearsal dinner, the bride’s rings, the groom’s attire, and potentially some honeymoon expenses.

Do parents still pay for weddings?

Yes! One of the reasons I wrote two wedding etiquette-related books is because of how much weddings have evolved. With same-sex weddings, interfaith weddings, super traditional weddings, and unique wedding styles, there are no longer strict “rules” about who pays for what. However, etiquette still guides how to handle the budget and conversations around money. Historically, the bride’s family often covered the majority of wedding expenses. Today, we see both sets of parents contributing, couples paying for weddings entirely themselves, or a combination of both. Each couple will have a unique situation depending on their family dynamics and preferences.

How are couples paying for their weddings today?

A clear budget is important for every couple, especially those paying for their wedding themselves. It’s one of the main things that needs to be determined for everything else to fall into place. There are many unique situations when it comes to figuring out how to cover wedding costs. They could be a young couple with separate bank accounts trying to figure out how things will be split, or be a couple where one or both members are on their second marriage and have children to support.

No matter what the situation may be, I urge couples to approach their budgeting process in three steps: initial planning, conversation with loved ones (this step can be skipped if couples are paying for everything themselves – more on this later), and then the final game plan. Clear communication is the most important aspect of each step.

In the initial planning process, sit down with your partner to get on the same page and do preliminary research to understand the general cost of the wedding style you want in your desired location. A crucial part of this step is determining your non-negotiables so that when it’s time to allocate funds, you know what is a priority for you and your partner. An example of a non-negotiable could be having a videographer or having a large enough venue to fit both of your families.

If you’re skipping the second step because you’re funding the wedding yourselves, move directly to the third step: creating your final game plan. This involves setting your final budget number based on your research, how much you have on hand to spend now, and how much you’ll need to save. In my book, The Essential Wedding Planner, I provide an estimated breakdown diagram of how to allocate funds for each section of your budget while accounting for your non-negotiables. Finally, you’ll create a savings plan tailored to your financial situation. 

Do grandparents or extended family cover any of the wedding costs?

Although less common, it definitely occurs for some families. Anything goes in terms of paying for the wedding these days!

Do you have any advice for navigating awkward money conversations with family?

Money is certainly not the most fun topic to talk about. In my first book, What Do I Do? Every Wedding Etiquette Question Answered, I break down the “money talk” with family into six “reminders.” Can you tell how much I like lists, yet? Think of these as the subcategories of step two of the budgeting plan: your conversation with loved ones. 

Here are the things you want to consider when asking your loved ones if they are willing to contribute, or if they’ve already told you they can and want to, how much they will be contributing:

• A solid plan going into the conversation
• Realistic expectations
• A straightforward question
• Acceptance
• Flexibility
• Balance of power over decisions

Let’s break these down. The first point is about ensuring you and your partner are completely on the same page before opening the financial conversation with loved ones. By this stage, you’ve completed step one of the budgeting process and conducted your initial research, but you also want to have a clear strategy for the conversation. The more unified you are, the better equipped you’ll be to handle any pushback as a team.

Next, set realistic expectations regarding how your loved ones may respond and what the outcome of the conversation might be. The next step is one of the most important: ask a straightforward question. Your question should be clear and delivered with confidence – this is not the time to beat around the bush. It’s also important that the member of the couple whose family is involved leads the conversation. Make sure the timing is right and that only the necessary people are present.

The fourth step is acceptance. You will have a long road of planning ahead, so pick your battles wisely. After that, remain flexible and willing to compromise. Lastly, and often a point of contention for many couples, is what I call the balance of power over decisions. Let’s dive a little deeper into that topic.

The balance of power over decisions comes into play when a loved one is contributing to the wedding and either feels they should have a say in major decisions, you want to ensure they’re included, or a combination of both. This is where clear communication becomes incredibly important. Be transparent about the vision you and your partner share, but remain open to compromise. For example, let your mom know how many people you envision her adding to the guest list before she gives you a list 50 people longer than you expected. If your grandmother is paying for your dress, include her in the experience – but know it still needs to be your dream dress.

You can make your loved ones feel valued, validated, and appreciated without giving up the details that matter most to you and your partner. If a detail isn’t as important to you but is meaningful to a contributing family member, use it as an opportunity to honor them. This is an emotional and exciting time – don’t let a lack of communication turn minor issues into bigger problems than they need to be.

Do you have any advice for couples who are fortunate enough to have both families contribute without making one side of the family feel less included?

In this situation, it’s best to make things as even as possible, even if the monetary value of each family’s contribution isn’t equal. You might consider assigning each family different vendors of equal importance, regardless of cost. For example, you wouldn’t want one family paying for the entire venue while the other only pays for invitations. Instead, you could give one family florals and the other music, depending on what each family can contribute. If both families are generous enough to provide funds for you to use as you wish, you can spend as you please and distribute it however you like.

About Mariah

Etiquette expert and author Mariah G. Humbert is leading a new era of etiquette. She champions the idea that etiquette is far more than a set of rules – it is a powerful tool to help individuals shine with confidence, forge meaningful connections, and distinguish themselves. With her warm and fresh approach to a timeless art, Mariah equips her clients to navigate the nuances of various social and professional situations with ease, kindness, intention, and a strong level of emotional intelligence.

Mariah left the corporate fashion world in 2021 to pave her own path, building a business centered around helping people share their gifts with the world in a polished and confident way. Mariah offers bespoke consultations, training sessions, and keynotes on various topics of modern etiquette, personal branding, special event preparation, and more. Think of an old-fashioned finishing school, only not old-fashioned at all! Her clientele spans a diverse range of industries, including high jewelry, finance, real estate, hospitality, entertainment, technology, education, and beyond. Mariah is based in New York City and is available to travel for speaking engagements and events by request.