Did you agree to be a best man but really have no idea what kind of best man responsibilities are in store for you? You’re in luck! Today, we’re breaking it down on what you can expect both before, during, and after the wedding day. The title of best man isn’t just an honorary one; it comes along with some major must-dos and can’t-forgets! But after reading these tips, you should be more than prepared for serving in this very special role!
P.S. Does your maid of honor need some help too? Don’t miss our must-know maid of honor responsibilities!
Pre-Wedding
Provide moral support during the ring selection process.
While it’s become more and more common for couples to design or pick out the engagement ring together, some still prefer to keep it old school. If your friend needs some help with the ring selection, be prepared to step in. It might mean giving your opinion or fishing for their future partner’s preference by asking their friends or family. Either way, have your friend’s back with this big step if they ask!
Help choose attire.
If they ask for it, be willing to offer your help with selecting the attire for the big day. Navigating the world of tuxes versus suites and renting versus buying can be tricky and overwhelming. So be prepared to offer your two cents when asked!
Communicate with the wedding party.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and weddings don’t happen without lots and lots of planning. Take some of the stress and responsibility off of the soonlyweds by stepping in to be their liaison when asked. Manage emails, group texts, or however the heck people communicate these days and make sure the others are all in the know about the plans, both on the day of the wedding and leading up to it.
Plan the bachelor party.
While we aren’t necessarily fans of the traditional bachelor(ette) party (just, no), we are fans of the soonlywed taking a night out to hang with their close friends. Make some plans for the group, keep things PG-rated, and kick-off the wedding countdown in style. If the bachelor party turns into a bachelor weekend – which most modern ones do – be up for doing a little travel research and coordination!
Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
Your wedding duties don’t begin and end with the wedding itself. In addition to the engagement party, any pre-wedding meetings, or other events, you’ll definitely want to make yourself available for the rehearsal and subsequent dinner. Not only will you learn ALL you need to know for the wedding (and there’s a lot!), but it’s a stress-free, fun way to celebrate the couple before the big day. Be there or be square!
Wedding Day
Help arrange some wedding morning activities.
You will have plenty of time to kill before you need to start getting ready for the wedding. Help pass the time with a fun group activity. Golf, a friendly game of touch football, or clay shooting are popular choices. Find something that the soonlywed enjoys and make some plans for the entire group to hang out and relax!
Make sure the soonlywed eats.
The wedding day can be a LONG one, and the reception is certainly going to be whirlwind for the newly married couple. So much so that they may not even get to eat dinner. Make sure the soonlywed starts the day off right with a solid meal.
Get ready with the wedding party.
The morning of the wedding usually means breakfast followed by some group activity (see above), followed by everyone getting ready together. Make sure you have everything you’ll need for the day, including but not limited to: your tuxedos and all of its accoutrements, after party clothes, and any “just in case of an emergency” items like an extra undershirt or pair of socks. Find out where the soonlywed wants the guys to get ready and make sure the wedding party knows where to be and when.
Keep the wedding party on schedule.
A wedding day is like a finely choreographed dance – one move impacts the next. The wedding day timeline – and following it – is pretty crucial. Being late for one part of the wedding day can mean a domino effect causing other events to start later. Or it can mean having to cut back the time spent on things like portraits or cocktail hour. Start the day off on the right foot by keeping everyone on schedule. Make sure everyone knows what time they need to leave and that they’re giving themselves enough time to get ready and for travel.
Serve as a messenger between the couple.
On the morning of the wedding, it’s typical that most couples exchange gifts. This is where you and the maid of honor come in. Usually, it’s your job to make sure said gifts get to the appropriate recipient. Coordinate times with the couple and the maid of honor for the exciting gift exchange and make sure you’re available to make it happen!
Know how to tie a bow tie or fold a pocket square.
Brush up on your menswear know-how; you’re going to need it! If you are renting tuxes, chances are the bow ties will come pre-tied. Lucky you! However, you’ll likely still need to fold those pocket squares. For some quick tutorials on how to make sure the gents look their very best, scope some YouTube or Instagram videos on how to tie a bow tie or fold a pocket square.
Keep the soonlywed calm.
This just might be your most important role of the day. A calm soonlywed is a happy soonlywed. If you sense that the wedding day jitters are starting to get the best of them, do whatever you can to ease their nerves. Crack a few jokes, pour an early drink, or just take a walk around the neighborhood…whatever is it, help your friend remain relaxed so that they can truly be in the moment on this once-in-a-lifetime day.
Make sure the boutonnieres are straight.
Ugh, nothing ruins a beautiful wedding photo quite like a crooked boutonniere. Consider yourself on boutonniere duty all day! If you see one go askew, straighten it. If it’s completely fallen off (or is about to), ask one of the wedding vendors for help repining. The couple’s wedding photos will thank you later ;)
Carry the partner’s ring.
You’ll have precious cargo to carry on the wedding day! Even if there is a ring bearer, the best man should be in charge of the partner’s rings. Little kids are cute but they just can’t be trusted with something so important. Slip the rings inside your interior jacket pocket until it’s time for the exchange. For an added layer of protection, keep them in their original box ring box so they’re nice and safe at all times.
Help organize the group during photos.
If the couple has hired a good photographer, they’ll try to make this process as quick and painless as possible. But still, the wedding party isn’t usually thrilled when it’s picture time. Try to keep them in line as much as you can. A little tomfoolery will help make the photos more natural but make sure they’re paying attention to the photographer and their instructions. We promise this time of the day will go by even faster if they do!
Distribute tips and payments.
If the couple doesn’t have a wedding planner, they may ask you to take on a few extra logistical responsibilities at the reception. One of those could be handing out final payments and/or tips to their wedding vendors. Make sure all envelopes or cards are clearly labeled by the couple, make sure you know who is who, and definitely hand the payment to them in person (don’t just slip it into their bag or leave it at their seat).
Give a toast.
Remember, it’s a toast not a roast! Your speech should NEVER embarrass, offend, or cause anyone to feel uncomfortable, especially the couple and their families. Keep it clean, upbeat, and 2 – 3 minutes in length, and you’ll be golden. Check out some more tips on how to give a killer wedding toast!
Make sure the group doesn’t get too drunk.
Not that you need to be a babysitter, but you should keep an eye on the rest of the wedding party. Yes, a wedding is a party and they should have FUN! But it’s also a formal occasion that deserves a special level of decorum. Make sure shirts stay on, inebriation levels stay reasonable, and that no one embarrasses themselves (or the couple!).
Help tie up loose ends.
Just because the DJ plays the last song doesn’t mean your responsibilities are over for the night. The couple is going to need help with tying up loose ends and last-minute logistics. Things like packing gifts into someone’s car at the end of the night, making sure the shuttle arrives for the final pick-up, and that epic sparkler exit they’ve been planning won’t get executed without a little help from others. So plan on sticking around, make sure you aren’t too drunk to help out, and send the newlyweds off with a farewell they deserve!
After the Wedding
Make sure the attire gets returned.
Send out a quick reminder to all of the wedding party with instructions on how/when/where to return their tuxes or suits. There is often a very short window of time in which rented menswear needs to be returned after the wedding. While it’s probably one of the last things they will want to think about, it’s something they’ll need to pay attention to or face late return fees. Help keep them on track and save them some dough!
